How is this happening? When did it begin? It is mid-November and these liquid months have been draining through my fingers. They have been for a while, I just hadn’t noticed before.
Wednesday morning found me sitting at the sun-drenched corner table of a nearby coffee shop. Going there, purely with the intention of sitting and writing, is something I haven’t made myself do in years – despite the urging of my husband. He’s usually right, but don’t tell him I told you that.
The past couple of weeks have brought about some changes in attitude on my part. I’ve been coasting for a long time, letting these months run through my fingers, being unwilling to immerse myself in anything. Things end up halfhearted and half-finished. That’s never what I wanted for myself or for my family.
Spontaneity is overrated. It’s taken me 28 years to work that one out. I always thought, especially in my late teens and early twenties, that creativity was spontaneous by nature. I had this idea in my head that creativity was this intangible thing, that great ideas could only happen when the stars aligned and conditions were perfect. I spent so much time just waiting around for it, forgetting that the stars move through the sky on a predictable course and that the perfect conditions can be created.
With this personal revelation also comes the important realisation that I am creative. I can give myself regular time to concentrate only on that. There are a myriad of other things which need to be done in the course of a regular day – I’m thinking particularly of the laundry that is air drying on a rack at home by the radiator in my dining room, waiting to be folded and put away. Wednesday mornings are now my time and giving myself the opportunity to concentrate will enable me to do better work with my entire attention. Better work is what I want to do.
I have a few very different projects in mind and scribbled in notebooks. They each need time and effort, as do things around the home and my family. Instead of making empty promises to myself and those around me I can choose to give my whole attention, my whole heart, to one thing at a time. I’m good at multitasking, but focus is what I need now.