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Discontent

I had some writing scheduled to go up here this morning, written last week on Friday night when it seemed as though I was in a bad place. Each word typed onto the screen steeped in discontent.

Reading it back again this morning, I raised an eyebrow at my own thought process. I get these moods sometimes, where nothing ever feels like it will work out, I dwell on it a little too much. I suppose writing what I did is akin to writing an angry letter but never sending it. It’s cathartic to get everything out, even if no one is going to see it but you.

You can spend your whole life waiting for the opportunity of a fresh start. Sometimes I’ll think to myself, if ______ happens then I’ll finally be able to keep the house clean/spend more time playing with Mikey/get more exercise/eat better/write more. But obviously those things aren’t going to happen all on their own, there will never be the opportunity for a fresh start the way I imagine it. It’s just an excuse to not begin right now and I’m so, so good at those excuses. I let them make me feel miserable.

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I spent a late Saturday afternoon wandering aimlessly around my neighbourhood with a camera. I became increasingly frustrated that no real photographic opportunities presented themselves to me. But I grabbed myself a coffee at a nearby coffee place and continued walking and thinking. I needed to clear my head a little and I think that the walk was helpful.

Saturday night I received an invitation for a friend and neighbour to go over to her apartment. We spent the night just talking, over a shared bottle of red wine and some delicious cheese. I felt much better afterward. I slept in a little on Sunday and we spent the day together as a family. Enjoying one another’s company, watching comedy shows on the television, playing games and just talking. I think it was exactly what I needed. I woke Monday morning feeling better somehow, ready to begin my week despite the stormy skies and threat of rain.

*Photos taken with the Lensbaby Composer Pro with Sweet 35 Optic

1 Comment so far

  1. mb

    what a beautiful blog! i’ve been enjoying drifting around through your amazing photos. the rabbit took my breath away. and this post really resonated with me, so raw and real, and exactly how i feel about things- we have to choose to begin again right now, in the moment we’re in. it’s a meditation. beautiful work!

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