An Anniversary of Leaving Home

I took these photographs up on the mountain that I can see from our living room window last Thursday before it snowed. A long walk to the top of a tall mountainside staircase brought me there with aching legs, it was the afternoon but fog was hanging onto the tree branches and the air was wet. It was beautiful, so quiet… the low rumble of the city barely noticeable in the background.

Today marks 4 years since my life changed completely. Today marks 4 years since I got on a plane, leaving behind my home country to move to the States. It’s strange, not something I talk about a whole lot on here, how I still don’t really feel as though I quite fit anywhere. I sometimes turn on the television and watch shows on BBC, shows that I never really liked while I was in England, but I watch them just so that I can hear familiar sounding words and voices, accents that feel like home. Except it’s not home anymore.

With next year bringing us a move from Germany back to the States, I feel a little like I’m going to be doing it all over again. I know Europe, Europe is comfortable. In Germany they may speak a different language, but in a lot of ways it’s closer to being home than the States. I only spent a year and a half living Stateside, as opposed to the two and a half years we’ve been living in Germany, that may have a lot to do with it. I’m apprehensive, the U.S. is loud, busy and bright. The food is strange, the TV is strange, the cars are all too big and even the trees look different. I still remember arriving in Germany, driving to our new home in Heidelberg and being so relieved that the scenery outside the car window looked more like England.

There are things I love about the States too, but unlike the majority of Military members and spouses returning from being stationed overseas, I do not feel as though I will be going home. I will be going further away again, from the things that I know. The only consolation being that I know over these past four years and for many more after, I’m slowly building a new home with my husband and son, one that does not know the boundaries of country or ocean.

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Wordish Wednesday

11 Comments

  1. I hear you. I feel the same way. While Upstate NY is a quiet place with a beautiful landscape I miss home. I really really miss it.

    I know the pathway. We went hiking there a lot. I miss that mountain.

    Good luck with everything.

  2. Beautiful, dreamy photos! :)

    “…one that does not know the boundaries of country or ocean.”

    Sometimes that might just be the best thing ever. My husband and I are neither from here, but we’ve lived here for over 15 years and this is where we’ve started our family, even though our own are oceans away. It’s not something we’ve consciously chosen, but that’s just how things turned out and we’re embracing it. It’s been a fun ride so far. :)
    Buckeroomama´s last post ..Found- One Little Girl

  3. :( I’m sorry! I wish you were moving close to me…I would help you feel at home. :) I’m from the States and have lived here my whole life but I know where you’re coming from. A lot of what you said in your post, I feel that same way and this is my home. I’ve always dreamed of living overseas just to have some simplicity to life… Good luck with your move. Your view from your living room is gorgeous.
    Jessica´s last post ..Our White Christmas

  4. I am so feeling you on this one. I am from the States and moved to England 11 years ago. I love it here and Europe itself just feels like home now. I miss my family so much at times, but I am now a stranger in my own homeland, feeling so distant and away from that life. I would hate living there again, if I am totally honest. My other half is from Holland and we would both love to move there since we both feel like we don’t belong anywhere anymore. Yet we can’t go just yet and we are comfortable enough to make England a home until then. But you end up feeling a drifter, like there is no real place for you. It’s horrible in some ways and humbling in others. Well if you ever need a fix of Kent just shout! I can always take some photos for you :)
    Mesina´s last post ..Dear Santa

  5. Thank you for sharing your lovely photos and your heart with us! I can only imagine how strange and hard it must be to build a new life worlds away from home. I hope that your move stateside is a good one. The states can be a hectic crazy place. My husband and I long to move to the country… somewhere up in Wisconsin where there are lots of trees and the pace of life seems slower, the people friendlier than here in the Windy City. Thanks again for sharing. And Happy Wednesday!

  6. Wow, this is so beautifully written…and as someone that’s never lived more than 40 miles from my original home, definitely eye-opening. Sure hope 2011 brings you nothing but smiles.

    Those captures are truly breathtaking!
    Dina @ 4 Lettre Word´s last post ..Mid-Week Winners

  7. Tristan

    All I know to say is that I understand. I remember the feelings I dealt with when I left Argentina and I still deal with to this day. It’s TOO easy for me to sit around and compare and contrast one country to another (with Argentina always coming out on top).
    I can’t say that the feeling of displacement has ever really left me but I can say that I feel more at ease with who I am and where my family has been placed for now. I know where my heart lies though; in Argentina, of course.
    I will be thinking of you and your family as you prepare for you big move. They’re not easy….but you have your men and love and a future full of possibilities.
    <3

  8. These are fabulous images. I do hope everything goes well with the move and you soon feel at home.

  9. We’ve spent so much time in Germany that it feels comfortable to me. We find America loud, busy and bright too. Restaurants in America are sooooooo loud. We hate it and often look for small hole in the wall type places that are quieter (and have better food anyway).
    You’ll find your way though and people that will love you for you. You never know, you might get stationed somewhere you love.
    Mom in High Heels´s last post ..Christmas Decor 2010

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