I took these photographs up on the mountain that I can see from our living room window last Thursday before it snowed. A long walk to the top of a tall mountainside staircase brought me there with aching legs, it was the afternoon but fog was hanging onto the tree branches and the air was wet. It was beautiful, so quiet… the low rumble of the city barely noticeable in the background.
Today marks 4 years since my life changed completely. Today marks 4 years since I got on a plane, leaving behind my home country to move to the States. It’s strange, not something I talk about a whole lot on here, how I still don’t really feel as though I quite fit anywhere. I sometimes turn on the television and watch shows on BBC, shows that I never really liked while I was in England, but I watch them just so that I can hear familiar sounding words and voices, accents that feel like home. Except it’s not home anymore.
With next year bringing us a move from Germany back to the States, I feel a little like I’m going to be doing it all over again. I know Europe, Europe is comfortable. In Germany they may speak a different language, but in a lot of ways it’s closer to being home than the States. I only spent a year and a half living Stateside, as opposed to the two and a half years we’ve been living in Germany, that may have a lot to do with it. I’m apprehensive, the U.S. is loud, busy and bright. The food is strange, the TV is strange, the cars are all too big and even the trees look different. I still remember arriving in Germany, driving to our new home in Heidelberg and being so relieved that the scenery outside the car window looked more like England.
There are things I love about the States too, but unlike the majority of Military members and spouses returning from being stationed overseas, I do not feel as though I will be going home. I will be going further away again, from the things that I know. The only consolation being that I know over these past four years and for many more after, I’m slowly building a new home with my husband and son, one that does not know the boundaries of country or ocean.