Fragile

I’ve been feeling somewhat fragile for the past week. I wasn’t particularly intending to share here just yet, but I’m going through withdrawal from my OCD medication. I have nothing against medication, it really did help a whole lot, I’ve just decided that the side affects are not worth it for me, that I will stop taking it and that I am going to try very hard to manage this on my own with some meditation/yoga techniques and changes to my diet. The OCD wont ever be gone, I can accept that. It’s not something than can ever be “cured” as such but it certainly is something that can be controlled. I’m also aware that if I end up not being able to control it, I will need to go back on my medication and try a different combination again. I hope I don’t have to.

I tapered down my medication and finally took my last pill about a week ago. Since then I’ve been feeling pretty awful if truth be told. My brain feels like it’s been wrapped in cotton wool, I’ve had trouble speaking a couple of times and it takes it a split second for my brain to catch up with my eyes if I move too quickly, which makes me feel pretty dizzy. My hands, feet and lips periodically go numb and I occasionally feel like someone is practicing electroshock therapy on me. Most of it seems to be vision related, because I feel better when I close my eyes.

On the plus side, I’ve been sleeping like a corpse. I haven’t slept this well in a long time, lack of good quality sleep and constant lethargy was one of the side affects to the medication I didn’t particularly want to deal with anymore. Why create problems where there were none? I have also been getting a fair amount done around the house and in my veggie garden, if only to keep my mind off of how awful I have been feeling. I’m wishing the weather would improve again, being outside makes me feel a whole lot better.

Despite this, I did have a wonderful weekend. On Saturday I left Mikey at home and took a trip to IKEA and OBI (kind of like Home Depot) with a friend. On Sunday Mikey and I took a walk down to the riverside, we stopped at our favourite bakery and the owner told me that my German is really improving but that my accent is still British and Bavarian. I blame my highschool German teacher for the Bavarian part, I can’t seem to shake the pronunciation that she taught me.

We also watched people practicing for a boat race on the river, Mikey loved the boats.

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend.

8 Comments

  1. I love being outside in the sunshine!
    Gardening has always been wonderful therapy in my life.

    Chronic sleep deprivation creates its own set of challenges! I hope all goes well with you in the coming days where you can find ways to life with OCD.

    ps – I love the creativity you share with your blog… from your “plethora of ramblings” to the amazing pictures you capture… let me know how the code learning curve goes – I’d love to add and good resources you find to my blogging page!
    .-= Ann Marie @ Household6Diva´s last blog ..Blogging OPSEC and PERSEC is for Everyone =-.

    • thank you!

      So far I’ve been looking at a website called themeshaper.com for my wordpress stuff. It’s one of those themes you use to build upon, much like the Thesis theme except it’s free (don’t we all love free!)

      I’ll let you know about any more i find.

  2. I don’t know much about OCD but from your post it seems you are doing great and taking control over it instead of it controlling your life. I wish you well and you will continue to sleep better. Isn’t great to be able to sleep like a corpse :D I’ve been suffering from insomnia for 2 months now and just recently starting to be able to sleep before 4AM and it feels great, I have more energy to do stuffs with my boy.

    Btw, I love that picture! So beautiful!
    .-= Maureen´s last blog ..On Finding My Voice =-.

    • I LOVE sleeping. It really messes with me to not be able to sleep well… it feels good to be able to fall asleep right away and sleep right through until morning without waking up!

      thank you about the picture, i love that little plant, it’s in my bathroom :)

  3. Raquel

    Bex, glad to hear about your plans re the medications. I pray for you almost every day and will ask God to help you through this. Is your favorite bakery the one where we had coffee and pastries together when I was visiting?

    Love you, Vóvó

    • Thank you.

      Yes it is, the man who said my German was improving is the man who makes the chocolate that we spoke to, do you remember?

  4. i can 100% identify with your trying to cope with life without medication. i weened myself off my medication awhile back and had to go back on. unfortunately for me, i function much better with it than without it. extreme changes to my diet, in conjunction with my medication, are what has worked best for me. considering i am dealing with some major transition at the moment, this may not have been the best time to ween myself. i may try again in the future but for now, i think this is best. i’m hoping you are able to get through this and function successfully without it.

    know that there’s someone that is sharing in your struggle and supporting you 110%.

    <3
    .-= tristan´s last blog ..Get Your Freak On Friday =-.

    • thank you!

      It’s been 2 weeks? since I took my last pills. The withdrawal is just getting gradually more manageable, I barely notice it now.

      I’ve asked my husband to tell me if I’m being crazy again (sometimes it’s hard to tell yourself, lol) and I’m aware I may have t go back on them. So far so good though. Things are nowhere near as easy as they were when I was taking the meds, but I think I should be able to manage it.

      I think you do probably need a calmer point in life to try and wean if you want to do it again… so you can solely focus on that.

      I hope everything is well with you and yours xx

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